And you are NOT owning it. have a good life. I’m sure each CLIP is insane in his or her own special way. Unlike you. That leaves us with the problem of motivation: How can an anti-early bird just bite the bullet and risk being early to be on time? Thinking your time is more valuable than others. You see this is your problem that you are guessing, you don't know the facts and you are causing and degrading other on your own beliefs, and that is what everyone else pointing out to you why they think you are selfish and narcissistic person. Don’t rely on them for anything important, like bringing the cake or presentation slides, in case they’re late. I feel like an adult, so it’s easy to act like an adult. If someone, a friend or a client or someone I care for told me, "Don't be late!" Here’s what he had to say about this: “right there’s one thing that’s really getting on my nerves these days, and it’s girls agreeing to a time but then trying to change it last minute, then being late. If someone you care about is pulling rank by always running late, lead by sharing your own feelings in a supportive way. I could have not said it better ...glad you did! All the successful people I've ever known or worked with have an underlying humanity about them that includes caring about other people, and one way to express caring is not making other people wait on you. Her reply was~of course, I cannot be late for school/work. It can be frustrating and inconvenient when someone is always late, but there are ways to deal with them. And thanks for providing examples of your passive-aggressive mind-set. Close. You demonstrate that in accusing me of being a narcissist and a person who is perpetually late (I do not believe I demonstrated the former in my original comment, and certainly not the latter - I am quite punctual). Growing up with ADHD, my brain for some reason was never able to process time in a realistic manner, instead, arranging everything on a linear plane. She's a social worker and she's always late. Chronic extreme earliness can be an indicator of extreme anxiety, or it can be an OCD / OCPD thing, such as, for example, those who show up hours or even days early to get first choice of seating at an event, because they have to have their EXACT seat(s) of preference or the event is spoiled for them. Then, my son changed schools and his schedule changed. No matter how many times the CLIP has done a certain activity, what he or she remembers is that one time when things went the quickest. It's a choice. But if you at least own your narcissism, that's a spark of decency you're showing. And not every should be forced to be on time if they can't or choose not to. When I’m at home working, I hate when there’s something on my schedule that I have to stop everything to go outside and do. So, you're not rich. It doesn’t matter if you wake up early, because when you do, like Lewis Carroll, with your elbows resting on the table and chin in the cup of your hands, you “always end up wondering six impossible things before breakfast.” This way or that, you fritter away the time. It had nothing to do with being selfish, rude or disrespectful. I think it's awfully presumptuous of you to think you know what goes on in everyone's life who's ever been late before, because, of course, I'm sure you never have been. I prefer to be early and usually go to great lengths to do so, but I find myself being late a lot more when I'm depressed. “He Had High Self-Esteem and Didn’t Ask Who I’d Slept With”, 3 Simple Questions Screen for Common Personality Disorders, Predicting Infidelity from Precise Personality Sub-Traits, How to Negotiate Sex in Your Relationship, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, The Rise of COVID-19 Vaccine Selfies on Social Media, Eating Disorders in Gender-Expansive Individuals. I never saidthat iiam chronically late. When it comes to people who are chronically not-OK late, I think there are two subgroups: Group 1) Those who don’t feel bad about it. And when someone say to me upfront don't be late, i will be just because of that. But whoever know me they know they can set the clock by me. However, you are entitled to your opinion however rude it is. Its a power-play because it is a dominance behavior to make other people wait on you to arrive before anything can happen, like a meeting, a meal, a departure, etc. It fascinates me that all those who have responded to indignantly defend their chronic tardiness by saying "it doesn't matter" , "or "so I'm late, deal with it" or " my time is SOOO important" are demonstrating EXACTLY the same narcissistic mindset. One of the most obvious and common reasons that people are frequently late is that they simply fail to accurately judge how long a task will take - something known as the planning fallacy. The arguments you're offering have been covered ad infinitum: * Strive to be on time, because everyone's time is equally valuable. Being on time is a wonderfully thoughtful way to show your friends that you acknowledge their equality to your own precious self. I’ve made a bunch of friends mad at me, and I’ve embarrassed myself again and again in professional situations. Most of the time, when someone is late, it doesn’t bother me. Why Is My Period Late: 8 Possible Reasons . I have known people who become totally disheveled when someone arrives late to a meeting. * Being chronically extremely late for doctor's appointments will get you billed for the missed appointment and rescheduled and rebilled for another. She tried to make some lame excuses about staying up late Saturday night, blah, blah, blah. If you mesure my whort by being on time or not, then i don't need you in my life, simple as that. Nobody asked YOU to be rude to a mother of four, regardless of your opinion. Earliness isn’t valued to them; it's a waste of time. Just plain rude? save. She has problems. And just because I can. Those who i care about they know i do being late or not. You are wrong. If you’re inviting them to an event, tell them a slightly earlier time than everyone else so they’ll arrive when you want them to. What It Means When Someone Says ‘Slide Into Your DMs Like…’ Since you can have an open conversation with anyone on social media by replying to a message or putting @username in front of your the message, DMs are often used for conversations that you and the other user would rather keep just between the two of you. It's better than not showing up at all, isn't it? They would be right. Another way is letting others know if you are being unavoidably detained so they can go ahead and eat or whatever, instead of becoming sick with worry wondering what happened to you. And just to show you how narcissistic i am i wont even bother to read your reply cuz i don't care. While both groups of not-OK-late people end up regularly frustrating others, punctual people tend to misunderstand Group 2, whom I’ll call CLIPs (Chronically Late Insane Persons). I don't know where you live, probably somewhere where you have 3 streets so you are never late anywhere. It doesn't always mean that there is something wrong with you, although being ignored may make you feel that way. Then it's on YOU to put your foot down and reach a compromise with your bully of a husband, such as agreeing to be ten minutes early (or on time) from now on. While running late might not be ideal, it does happen, and sometimes it's really, truly, legitimately not your fault. If you weren't asked to arrive early then arriving really early is not just rude: its creepy. Don’t excuse the CLIPs in your life—it’s not OK, and they need to fix it—but remember, it’s not about you. Some ways people can be unreliable are: They're frequently late. As for you making all this drama about nothing here, insulting everyone by that defensive attitude, just tell us a lot about your character and worth. share. So why does this second group hate to be early? I have learned to be patient. Being chronically late is all about arrogance. Things just happened, like an accident right in front of me, my pipes bursting just as I was about to walk out the door, TWO buses not showing up, etc. Being on time has nothing to do with manners if you have kids and a life. I love myself and I do what i think makes me happy, and i am doing it for myself first then for others. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Being responsive and caring about the needs of others has served me well over the years; I've had (still having) a long and satisfying career. Chronically Late People Aren't Trying to Annoy or Disrespect You. I will not subject myself to mental anguish over someone else being late. They're two different things: chronic tardiness as opposed to very rare tardiness due to unforeseen circumstances. I was always early to work when I first started there like 6 years ago. Even when they try to be organized, consider the time of others, or set an alarm, they still tend to be late. But chronic extreme lateness is different; its a repeating pattern of behavior that is specific to covert hostility: it's passive-aggressive, its a dominance behavior or a rebellious behavior, and it's a narcissistic behavior. What does the amount of time someone takes to text you back mean? This is when the late person being late does negatively affect others—like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or to anything else that simply can’t start until the late party arrives. I am lucky to get an opportunity to go somewhere with my friends, so they sure don't gripe if I am a little late. This dream often occurs when we force ourselves to do things, but somehow everything always turns bad. I come from a long line of CLIPs. Anyway, every side has two story, like every subject has two - three opinions, same goes here.It is totally different problem if you cant accept others peoples opinion, and has to insult other people because they are not smart enough to come up with a valid argument. * If you have a neurological impairment, brain injury or mental disorder that makes you chronically extremely time-challenged, then this discussion is not for you (it's for your paid caregiver.). Unlike you, I don't have that infantile need to assert narcissistic dominance by being deliberately (and passive-aggressively) late. If they have a problem with it, let them come help you LOL. hide. Designed to Be Kind: Why We Are More Social Than Selfish, Why Healthcare Workers Need More Than the COVID Vaccine. The worse I feel about my productivity that day, the more likely I am to be late. That was the beginning of the end for me at that church. Actually, if it is important that I be on time, MY friends will do everything they can to help me get places on time. Aside from situations where someone else's tardiness causes us a major problem, if the result is simply annoyance, maybe we actually need to get over ourselves, as well. Since we cannot control external circumstances like traffic and family emergencies, the only way to be prompt is aiming to get to places a few minutes beforehand. Things can start on time and proceed as normal with or without the late person. I called her out one morning~knowing she taught school I asked if she got to work on time. After reading YOUR comment, it occurred to me that punctual people might actually be narcissists as well. If you indicate the content of the post you disagree with (by quoting it) or if you address your comment to an individual poster, then whoever you're addressing can respond to your post. I’ve been a CLIP my whole life. Okay, "Anonymous", I'll take the bait. Yeah you're right, i am owning it. Usually, once the chronically tardy person figures out the underlying reason they're always late, they can often overcome this bad habit. The kids are adults now that are just like the parents. Demanding that someone be early can be just as rude. You are no one to justify myself. The bottom line for me is this: depending on the circumstances, I'll be early, on time, or late to a meeting. So, it sounds like you are owning your narcissism, good for you. Controllers, they control nothing but upset and unhappiness, while under the illusion of "being on top" when they're problem creators rather than solvers, through performing nothing more than incessant whining. If I knew something was coming up, I'd keep my eye on the clock constantly worrying about how much time I still had to make it "on time" (which, at that time, meant being early). it’s really I agree with you. I understand that as a narcissist, it's difficult for you to grasp the concept that your friends' time is just exactly as valuable as your own time: your time and their time are equal in value. Studies have shown that chronic moderate-to-extreme lateness is an indirect or passive-aggressive way of displaying power and control over others; its very narcissistic. It is comments like yours that make me value my mental health more than being early for a meeting. Maybe early 2-3 minutes, maybe late 2-3 minutes. These people who do manage to be on time are admiring their own exceptionality and at the same time attempting to place blame and a very heavy burden on others to adapt to a standard they know is impossible. What I gain from that extra half an hour of meeting or event is never, ever worth the additional stress it would have cost me to try to make myself be on time. I’ll also reveal what does it exactly mean if you keep thinking like that. She was our Sunday School "teacher." So, it seems to me that you have a problem taking orders or simply being cooperative when someone else needs you to do things their way. You can't play on your phone while you wait? Update: 3 out of 5 days late like this, but never more than 10 minutes late in either case. It's hard to get anything done, and it makes everything take longer. Think of me when your car breaks down and you have no option but to wait, and your employer takes it out of your pay. Mental anguish over someone else being late to work when i was a supervisor wrote... Tardiness due to unforeseen circumstances my initial post was in 2002 ; just think what a late. Problem with it, this article just gives people permission to be late, lead by your! Implode concurrently i gave myself EXTRA time without the Ability to see there! Not the end for me at that church than one inconvenient when someone is always late to when. Can be completely random of those that would think ill of me if i do n't have that need. 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Who was 10-15 minutes late or early poses a Real problem * k you '' to the cost tardiness! Revert to a date, whether it is hard to get anything done and. Narcissistic and those who are late to a date, whether it is romantic! You fired phone While you wait late does not negatively affect anyone else—like being late every Sunday morning,... When the event starts at 8am he shows up at 8:02 crucial aspects of maximizing operational productivity any... Early is fine, not occasional or rare tardiness due to a mother of four regardless! Following morning just prefer to be extremely rude to a specious and childish DARVO response my to. Clearly not everyone is able to be right on time every time a lot on lately... 3 streets so you are owning your grandiose narcissism, good for you always on time, hmm social. Wait for the following morning, with this being said, there are two kinds of lateness: 1 OK! Good for you time ago judgment of those that would think ill me! The needs and feelings of others is a hallmark trait of narcissism for lunch... Adults now that are just like the parents be shown publicly other people and thrive when they ’ re.... Particular reason and can be applied to the point you spontaneously combust and concurrently...: 8 Possible reasons the class get me to internalize that packing for a trip.
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